We all have heard the advice given to working mothers for decades: seek a balance between work and family. We have tried working tirelessly at the office only to return home and work tirelessly until the wee hours of the morning. We make breakfast and dash the kids to school only to be stuck applying our makeup in morning traffic after dropping them off. We are on the run from dawn to dusk, making sure Suzie has clean socks, Johnny's lunchbox is filled with nutritious, safe foods, and the hubby gets a good square meal at the of the day. Some days we succeed at at least a few of these things, other days we crash and feel like a miserable failure - sometimes we're even told as much by our bosses and spouses. All the while, the mantra of "finding balance" plays on our subconscious minds and we wonder why we can't seem to achieve the goal of balance in addition to the other hundreds of things on our to-do lists.
Enter Martha Beck, who recently wrote this article that finally provides us with an honest answer that we have all basically understood deep-down, even if we didn't allow ourselves to believe it: a "balanced life" that meets all of the demands placed on women in our society is simply unattainable. In reality, we probably cannot truly have it all, do it all, and be happy with the results - and that's okay because everyone has to discover for herself what she can and cannot do in a given day and simply be satisfied with what she can do. Says Beck:
I know I've basically come to this conclusion after nearly two years of dancing to have it all at a frantic, crazy pace. After nearly driving myself into the ground, I decided to temporarily cut back on career demands to take care of my family... now, ready to face the daily grind again, I simply cannot get a single employer to look at me. I feel like an underperforming professional now, and my husband tells me as much nearly every week as do potential employers with their stark lack of interest in my resume and experience, but at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that I saw my little ones today and spent quality time with them - at least for now they seem to appreciate it.
Enter Martha Beck, who recently wrote this article that finally provides us with an honest answer that we have all basically understood deep-down, even if we didn't allow ourselves to believe it: a "balanced life" that meets all of the demands placed on women in our society is simply unattainable. In reality, we probably cannot truly have it all, do it all, and be happy with the results - and that's okay because everyone has to discover for herself what she can and cannot do in a given day and simply be satisfied with what she can do. Says Beck:
"Being forced to seek balance within ourselves, we can make our
unsteady, stumbling days feel less and less like disaster and more and
more like a joyful dance -- the dance of a wildly, wonderfully,
perfectly unbalanced life."
I know I've basically come to this conclusion after nearly two years of dancing to have it all at a frantic, crazy pace. After nearly driving myself into the ground, I decided to temporarily cut back on career demands to take care of my family... now, ready to face the daily grind again, I simply cannot get a single employer to look at me. I feel like an underperforming professional now, and my husband tells me as much nearly every week as do potential employers with their stark lack of interest in my resume and experience, but at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that I saw my little ones today and spent quality time with them - at least for now they seem to appreciate it.
Sur La Table- Italian Glass Carafe, Now $7.96, exp 4/30/08
